musings from a Peter Pan mind
Musings from a Peter Pan mind
I just heard recently that Barry Manilow is scheduled to undergo hip surgery! Just hearing the news made me feel so old! I was never a huge fan of Barry’s, but liked some of his greatest hits. There is something about When October Goes, that always makes me cry. It probably ties into the fact that I am also getting older and look back at my younger days with a fond memory. Well gotta dash, I’m off to the Copa!
I am a total pack rat! I haven’t written a lot lately because I have been going through all the junk I collected over the years and am putting it all up on eBay! First there was the Wizard of Oz craze, then the Star Wars craze, and then the really gay, Barbie doll craze! I may even open a store at LostinStuff.com! I have so many toys I would make most children jealous. Of course all of them are mint in package and have never left their claustrophobic homes! Some kid would have let them out to breathe! Many items I am making my money back, but many are selling for half price or less. I have learned a big lesson and never want to collect anything other than social security!
I haven’t written lately because I am producing the Mr Bear and Cub New England Contest this Saturday. It has taken up all of my time! After Saturday prepare for more junk from my jumbled brain!
Well I am gonna try something drastic over the next two weeks. I am gonna just eat HMR products and fruits and vegetables! I have too many choices and I need to take a closer look at what I am eating. I will not deprive myself, but focus on better eating and exercise. I hope this jump start works because I have been sliding for so long. Time will tell!
Yes, I had an Easy-Bake Oven as a child. I was remembering it when I was at a recent party with a bunch of middle aged gay men, know as bears. To my wonderful surprise, I met several other men who either had one, or played with their sister’s Easy-Bake when they were little. I got to thinking about gay culture and how for many of us it began before we even knew we were gay. I remember asking my parents for a Barbie doll too! Yes, I had G.I. Joe, but I wanted a talking Barbie. I remember that my father was against it, but I whined so much that I eventually got one. I had so much fun playing Barbie with the girl next door, I didn’t see any reason why I couldn’t have one. It never occurred to me that I could only play with certain toys. It made no logical sense to me even at a young age. In my later childhood, I became obsessed with The Wizard of Oz and Judy Garland. I had never met a gay person, but somehow I was quickly becoming a stereotypical one.
In my teens I loved Valley of the Dolls, Barbra Streisand, and Liza Minnelli. Gay, Gay, Gay! From my earliest memories I had been on the path to raging homosexual. I hated gym class, always thought of girls as pals, and found I had a strange attraction for men’s underwear ads. Before I came out to myself and the world I thought I was some kind of freak! I now know that I didn’t have such a unique childhood after all. The stimuli that I had responded to were the same that many gay men from my generation also found appealing.
How come I can quote Mommie Dearest? Why do I adore Kathy Griffin? No matter what our upbringing, or part of the country we are from, many gay men share the same likes and experiences. What are the odds? Gay people didn’t recruit me. I didn’t know any gay people when I was growing up. Sorry, right wing America… I was born this way!
Here I sit. I am waiting at the jury pool at the Dedham courthouse to see if I will be impaneled on a jury this morning. I am torn by what I hope the outcome will be. I have never sat on a jury before and it might be an interesting experience. On the other hand, I am so tired. I am not used to getting up at 6:30 AM..try 9:30! I also can’t be here for more than a few days. I just hope my bum holds out from all this sitting!
The New York State Court of Appeals is our loser of the week for ruling that gay people do not have a right to get married.
The state Court of Appeals in Albany today decided four appeals by 44 gay and lesbian couples, ruling 4 to 2 that the parties had no right to be issued marriage licenses by local officials. The decision should be made by elected lawmakers, the court said.
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The New York State Court of Appeals is our Loser of the Week
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Last night we went to see the fireworks display in Walpole. Walpole always has their fireworks display the night before the fourth. I am always really amazed at how spectacular they are for our small town. This year was wonderful. The night was perfect, with not a cloud in the sky. We had the perfect viewing spot thanks to our friends Karen and Ron, and it was wonderful to have Mike’s parents and sister along as well. Happy Fourth of July!
I just re-watched an E! True Hollywood Story that I had taped. It was about the amazing Ellen Degeneres. It got me to thinking about how important it was when she came out as a lesbian on her television show in the 90’s. I was very emotional as I watched that episode. I remember that they had given subtle hints throughout earlier episodes that her character was gay. It was quite fun to watch.
I started to think tonight how lucky I am to have lived this time in history. I thought back to when I was younger. I never thought then, that I would be out myself and to the world! It is so important for all of us to be ourselves. Many people never experience the situation where they must live a lie day to day. It tears you apart. You know that you are a good person, yet people are so ready to condemn you if they find out one thing about you. That is why it is so hard for me to understand how some Christians don’t realize the pain and suffering they cause us. It is not the sin that causes us the pain, but the people who label it as such. Some kids have actually killed themselves because of it. My tolerance for those that do not accept us is less and less as each year of life goes on. I know that for years I carried my own internalized homophobia around. I knew I was gay, was out to people, but always went out of my way to make straight people feel comfortable! Do straight people live that way? I think not.
I even maintained an unhealthy friendship due to my own sublimated homophobia. Her name was Debbie and she and her husband were born again Christians. Even though I told her I was gay the first week we met, somehow we became friends. I disagreed with her that homosexuality was a sin, but somehow I bought into the idea I could be friends with her while she disapproved of a major part of my personality. After years of study, and personal growth on my part, I realize how detrimental her attitude was to my well being. It all came to a head when Mike and I were able to get legally married here in Massachusetts. Debbie could not, and would not, be happy for us. I realized that my friend was against me. She would not support protection for my well being. She would lobby against me to have the same rights that she and her husband so richly enjoy and take for granted. We talked hard about it. She did not believe that my relationship was the same as she had with her husband. It was acceptable to her that I would not get the same tax benefits that she would receive. I thought about the future. I thought of when Mike and I are older, and if one of us was to die, how we would not be entitled to each other’s social security. My friend believed that would be acceptable. What if I were sick and really needed the money? It was acceptable. Acceptable? I considered her a friend. I needed my head examined. This is the love that her religion has to offer me? This is the kind of friendship she believed Christ has to offer? Please! I hope I go to hell. It was at this time that my true friends came by my side. My friend Danny was exceptionally supportive, and was outraged! For me to be friends with this woman was a personal affront to him. I realized that keeping Debbie as one of my friends was an insult to the people who truly love and care for me, and my relationship with Mike. True friends nurture and encourage their friends. They also value great relationships when they see them. I had always done that for her and supported the relationship she had with her husband. Why was I not entitled to the same?
Because of Debbie, I now know how important it is for all gay people to stand up and be counted. We must never submit to people who do not accept us as whole, healthy and complete. To do so is just slow suicide to one’s self esteem and ultimate happiness.
I was in the closet, when I thought I was out.
Thank you Debbie.
Thank you Ellen Degeneres.