Category: Family

Today I am 44. Did I just really write that? Last year I kept telling everyone I was 42…I really forgot how old I was. I don’t think that will happen this year. I feel my age lately. My back hurts, my right heel is sore, I have diabetes, my hairline is receding, I have sleep apnea, I have gray hair in my beard, I have high cholesterol, and I can’t seem to lose this middle age spread. If age is a progressive disease, I think I will be a mess by 50! I truly hope there are peaks and valleys to this roller coaster. 

I know that I haven’t written anything in a while. I have been spending all my time researching nursing schools. For 15 years I have been taking care of my elderly parents. It began when my Dad had a terrible car accident in 1992. He was on his way to the dentist when he crashed into a Norwood Public Works truck. He was left with ten broken ribs, a punctured liver, a punctured spleen, and a broken neck. The broken neck was not diagnosed until three months after the accident! It was not long after that my father developed Alzheimer’s Disease. He needed constant supervision and eventually needed total physical care which my mother and I provided. He died in my arms one night as I was putting him to bed. Two months before his death in 2003, my mother suffered a devastating stroke during open heart surgery. The stroke left her unable to speak and she could not move her legs or right arm. I was devastated. Now the woman who gave me everything, and was my partner in care to my father… also needed my help. I am glad to say that my mother is much better now. She can walk with a cane, can speak somewhat clearly, and has some mobility in her right arm. She needs assistance with meals, and other activities of daily living, but in general she has mad a remarkable recovery. Our house is just like anyone else’s… two gay guys and a stroke victim!

My Dad worked so hard in his life that we have had enough money for me to stay home as “caregiver to the stars”! Unfortunately, the “financial well” is not as full as it used to be. Mike and I need to plan for our eventual “golden years!” Returning to an acting career is out of the question for me. I need a 401k! Nursing seems to make the most sense to me. I can go to school part-time now, while my mother is stable. If she is still O.K. when I graduate, I can work evenings and weekends when Mike is here. If I don’t at least start something now at 43, I am really going to have a tough time later. I will tell you later what a pain it is to get into nursing school!

Another Thanksgiving is here! They seem to be coming so fast now that I am getting older. I wish I could say they make me happy, but as each one passes lately, it seems as if another of my beloved family has passed away. This will be the first Thanksgiving without my Aunt Gloria. I hate the fact that our Thanksgiving table is getting smaller and smaller. I miss the days when the house was full of aunts, friends, nephews, and grand children. I have so much to be thankful for, I just miss those happier carefree Thanksgivings of years ago…before my mother had a stroke…before my Dad got Alzheimer’s…before my sister-in-law died…before my brother got divorced…before my nephews grew up and before my brother killed himself.  Yes, we have had our share of traumas,  but no more or less than any other family. The love is strong no matter how many of us are left, but it seems the chorus is missing vital parts. The baritones are overpowering now.

Today my partner of 11 years is 41! Happy Birthday!

I have fond memories of my mother telling me the first verse of this poem when I was a child. She would say the first part of a sentence and have me say the last word. I remember how I loved when she would clap here hands together when the trap closed on the poor mousey!

They Didn’t Think Once a trap was baited
With a piece of cheese;
It tickled so a little mouse,
It almost made him sneeze.
An old rat said, “There’s a danger,
Be careful where you go!
“Nonsense!” said the other,
“I don’t think you know!”
So he walked in boldly –
Nobody in sight –
First he took a nibble,
Then he took a bite;
Close the trap together
Snapped as quick as wink,
Catching mousey fast there,
‘Cause he didn’t think. Once there was a robin,
Lived outside the door,
Who wanted to go inside
And hop upon the floor.
“No, no,” said the mother,
“You must stay with me;
Little birds are safest
Sitting in a tree.”
“I don’t care,” said Robin,
And gave his tail a fling,
“I don’t think the old folks
Know quite everything.”
Down he flew, and kitty seized him
Before he’d time to blink;
“Oh,” he cried, “I’m sorry,
But I just didn’t think.”

 Phoebe Cary

(1824-1871)

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Last night we went to see the fireworks display in Walpole. Walpole always has their fireworks display the night before the fourth. I am always really amazed at how spectacular they are for our small town. This year was wonderful. The night was perfect, with not a cloud in the sky. We had the perfect viewing spot thanks to our friends Karen and Ron, and it was wonderful to have Mike’s parents and sister along as well. Happy Fourth of July!