Wow it has been so long since I have written directly here on the blog. I usually just post to Twitter, which posts to Facebook, which posts to here. Confused Yet? I am. I really like facebook because it links with my friends and they are FORCED to keep up with me. Whenever I write here on the blog who knows who sees it! I do miss being able to actually put down more than a few sentences though! Those who know me in real life do know that I can really rattle on! Facebook is an amazing social network though, I must say. I have been able to find friends that I have lost touch with and it is wonderful now to be able to keep up with their daily lives. Even the non-technical friends have started to embrace it. Not having a Twitter or Facebook account is like not having a date for the senior prom! I have been so busy with nursing school that I have not been expressing my inner geek as much. In November of last year I left work at the Apple store to get a job as a certified nursing assistant. While it is good that I get my foot in the door at a hospital before I graduate, I really do miss not being on top of the latest gadgets that Apple had to offer. That and the fact that I just don’t have the cash to buy a lot of things right now…although I do have an ipad! 2010 has been great in the fact that I start my last semester of nursing school in about a month but it has been a bad year in the fact that my 58 year old brother took his life on February 19th. Yes there is a twitter announcement on here about it somewhere, but I never really wrote about it. My mother and I had talked to him about a week before he died and we had no idea that his life would end so soon after we talked to him. He was really depressed after his second wife died for about two years and I might have expected it then, but this hit us like a ton of bricks! He seemed to be doing so much better! He was misdiagnosed with Lyme disease or so we think that is what he had and was pretty sick for the last two years. We found him a special Lyme doctor and he really seemed to be feeling a lot better with the treatment. He was going to take a severance package at his job the day he died, but he had a lot of job offers, so it is odd that the job layoff would be too much for him. We probably will never really know. It just seemed so out of character for him. He knew how hard we all suffered when my other brother killed himself 30 years ago in March. I am amazed that his death hasn’t finally killed my 86 year old mother. It is horrible to lose two brothers, but I can only imagine how it must feel to lose two sons. He must have been in so much emotional pain that he just couldn’t think about the rest of us. It seems such a waste. He and I were finally really having a wonderful relationship together in the past year, something we never had. He was coming down from Maine several times a month and hanging out…it was wonderful. I always thought that he was so strong in so many ways, but I did notice that emotionally something was lacking. I will miss him. My mother is a real trouper and a role model for those who have been through trauma. I know I get a lot of my strength from her and wish that I had a little less and could have given some to my brothers. I remember when my first brother died that I began to really appreciate all those that are in my life because I learned at 16 that anyone can die at any moment. I just miss so many friends and family that have passed. It is weird that my only direct living relative is now my mother and she is 86! I don’t relish that I will be the only one left, sooner than later. I can’t believe how fast time flies by when you get older. I still feel about 25, but the mirror is telling me a different story as does the fact that my family is dropping like flies! It really is time to really focus on the people who are still in my life and I will strive to do so.
Well if you have read this far, you truly have too much time on your hands, but I really appreciate it. I really enjoy the free flow thought of the blog and will probably write some articles about some inane things soon. I really miss it.