I am a Great Uncle Again!

Today my life-partner of 12 years is 42! He is just as cute as the day I met him. If you see this man wish him…

Today I am 44. Did I just really write that? Last year I kept telling everyone I was 42…I really forgot how old I was. I don’t think that will happen this year. I feel my age lately. My back hurts, my right heel is sore, I have diabetes, my hairline is receding, I have sleep apnea, I have gray hair in my beard, I have high cholesterol, and I can’t seem to lose this middle age spread. If age is a progressive disease, I think I will be a mess by 50! I truly hope there are peaks and valleys to this roller coaster. 

I know that I haven’t written anything in a while. I have been spending all my time researching nursing schools. For 15 years I have been taking care of my elderly parents. It began when my Dad had a terrible car accident in 1992. He was on his way to the dentist when he crashed into a Norwood Public Works truck. He was left with ten broken ribs, a punctured liver, a punctured spleen, and a broken neck. The broken neck was not diagnosed until three months after the accident! It was not long after that my father developed Alzheimer’s Disease. He needed constant supervision and eventually needed total physical care which my mother and I provided. He died in my arms one night as I was putting him to bed. Two months before his death in 2003, my mother suffered a devastating stroke during open heart surgery. The stroke left her unable to speak and she could not move her legs or right arm. I was devastated. Now the woman who gave me everything, and was my partner in care to my father… also needed my help. I am glad to say that my mother is much better now. She can walk with a cane, can speak somewhat clearly, and has some mobility in her right arm. She needs assistance with meals, and other activities of daily living, but in general she has mad a remarkable recovery. Our house is just like anyone else’s… two gay guys and a stroke victim!

My Dad worked so hard in his life that we have had enough money for me to stay home as “caregiver to the stars”! Unfortunately, the “financial well” is not as full as it used to be. Mike and I need to plan for our eventual “golden years!” Returning to an acting career is out of the question for me. I need a 401k! Nursing seems to make the most sense to me. I can go to school part-time now, while my mother is stable. If she is still O.K. when I graduate, I can work evenings and weekends when Mike is here. If I don’t at least start something now at 43, I am really going to have a tough time later. I will tell you later what a pain it is to get into nursing school!

The presents are all wrapped. My back is so tired. When I started wrapping yesterday, each present got ribbon and a bow. Tonight, they were lucky to get a stick-on bow! Each year I swear to begin this ritual earlier. Each year I seem to start it later. I was lucky to finish my shopping early, but early wrapping was just not in the cards. I am a little sadder this Christmas as my Aunt Gloria, who passed away, will not be here for dinner. I kept wanting to add her favorite foods to my shopping cart. Christmas seems a little sadder each year as I get older. So many Christmas songs don’t help either. They remind me of past Christmases when everyone was here and alive.  I have had so many wonderful holidays in the past, I guess I shouldn’t really complain. I guess I just feel a little more mortal each Christmas. I hope that whoever is reading this right now will be on this earth next Christmas. I sure hope I am!

 When I met my partner Mike 11 years ago, I also became friends with a wonderful bear named Hal Hillman. Sadly he passed away in early 2004 due to a heart attack. He had been sick for a while and was waiting for a new kidney. Mike and I miss him terribly. Here is a short slideshow I created of this wonderful, big lug!

Another Thanksgiving is here! They seem to be coming so fast now that I am getting older. I wish I could say they make me happy, but as each one passes lately, it seems as if another of my beloved family has passed away. This will be the first Thanksgiving without my Aunt Gloria. I hate the fact that our Thanksgiving table is getting smaller and smaller. I miss the days when the house was full of aunts, friends, nephews, and grand children. I have so much to be thankful for, I just miss those happier carefree Thanksgivings of years ago…before my mother had a stroke…before my Dad got Alzheimer’s…before my sister-in-law died…before my brother got divorced…before my nephews grew up and before my brother killed himself.  Yes, we have had our share of traumas,  but no more or less than any other family. The love is strong no matter how many of us are left, but it seems the chorus is missing vital parts. The baritones are overpowering now.

Today my partner of 11 years is 41! Happy Birthday!

I am a great Uncle again! I would like to welcome Ethan Daniel Fisher to the Fisher clan! He was born September 18, 2006 at 10:43 P.M. and was 9 lbs. 2 oz.! Congratulations to Lindsay and my nephew Danny!

More Pictures at my Flickr account!

So far I have watched about 5 episodes of the newly released Family on DVD. So far I have cried about 5 times! This show is actually better than I remember. The acting is outstanding, and the cast is just perfect. I have a special place in my heart for the show because I was Kristy McNichol’s age whe the show originally aired. I identified with McNichol’s character, Buddy, because she had a special relationship with her brother, Willy. Willy reminds me so much of my brother that has passed away, and I had a similar relationship with him. The show brings me back in time when my family was whole and everyone was healthy. I miss those times.

I have fond memories of my mother telling me the first verse of this poem when I was a child. She would say the first part of a sentence and have me say the last word. I remember how I loved when she would clap here hands together when the trap closed on the poor mousey!

 Phoebe Cary

(1824-1871)

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Last night we went to see the fireworks display in Walpole. Walpole always has their fireworks display the night before the fourth. I am always really amazed at how spectacular they are for our small town. This year was wonderful. The night was perfect, with not a cloud in the sky. We had the perfect viewing spot thanks to our friends Karen and Ron, and it was wonderful to have Mike’s parents and sister along as well. Happy Fourth of July!

I just re-watched an E! True Hollywood Story that I had taped. It was about the amazing Ellen Degeneres.  It got me to thinking about how important it was when she came out as a lesbian on her television show in the 90′s. I was very emotional as I watched that episode. I remember that they had given subtle hints throughout earlier episodes that her character was gay. It was quite fun to watch.

I started to think tonight how lucky I am to have lived this time in history. I thought back to when I was younger. I never thought then, that I would be out myself and to the world! It is so important for all of us to be ourselves. Many people never experience the situation where they must live a lie day to day. It tears you apart. You know that you are a good person, yet people are so ready to condemn you if they find out one thing about you. That is why it is so hard for me to understand how some Christians don’t realize the pain and suffering they cause us. It is not the sin that causes us the pain, but the people who label it as such.  Some kids have actually killed themselves because of it. My tolerance for those that do not accept us is less and less as each year of life goes on. I know that for years I carried my own internalized homophobia around. I knew I was gay, was out to people, but always went out of my way to make straight people feel comfortable! Do straight people live that way? I think not.

I even maintained an unhealthy friendship due to my own sublimated homophobia. Her name was Debbie and she and her husband were born again Christians. Even though I told her I was gay the first week we met, somehow we became friends. I disagreed with her that homosexuality was a sin, but somehow I bought into the idea I could be friends with her while she disapproved of a major part of my personality. After years of study, and personal growth on my part, I realize how detrimental her attitude was to my well being. It all came to a head when Mike and I were able to get legally married here in Massachusetts. Debbie could not, and would not, be happy for us. I realized that my friend was against me. She would not support protection for my well being. She would lobby against me to have the same rights that she and her husband so richly enjoy and take for granted. We talked hard about it. She did not believe that my relationship was the same as she had with her husband. It was acceptable to her that I would not get the same tax benefits that she would receive. I thought about the future. I thought of when Mike and I are older, and if one of us was to die, how we would not be entitled to each other’s social security. My friend believed that would be acceptable. What if I were sick and really needed the money? It was acceptable. Acceptable? I considered her a friend. I needed my head examined.  This is the love that her religion has to offer me? This is the kind of friendship she believed Christ has to offer? Please! I hope I go to hell. It was at this time that my true friends came by my side. My friend Danny was exceptionally supportive, and was outraged! For me to be friends with this woman was a personal affront to him. I realized that keeping Debbie as one of my friends was an insult to the people who truly love and care for me, and my relationship with Mike. True friends nurture and encourage their friends. They also value great relationships when they see them. I had always done that for her and supported the relationship she had with her husband.  Why was I not entitled to the same?

Because of Debbie, I now know how important it is for all gay people to stand up and be counted. We must never submit to people who do not accept us as whole, healthy and complete. To do so is just slow suicide to one’s self esteem and ultimate happiness.

I was in the closet, when I thought I was out.

Thank you Debbie.

Thank you Ellen Degeneres.

Daisy and Rascal had a drag out fight on Friday night. It was over a pink squeaky ball. Daisy bit Rascal’s paw really hard and drew blood. It was awful. Poor Rascal. I had to take him to the vet on Saturday because he could not put any weight on it. The vet has prescibed antibiotics and pain pills. Rascal has been despondent and limping ever since. He just lies down and looks so sad. I hope this was their last confrontation and that Rascal knows that Daisy is going to be pack leader. The pink squeeky ball is in the trash. Do I need the Dog Whisperer?

We have decided to rescue another little Cairn Terrier. We miss Jake terribly, and Daisy (our other Cairn) seems depressed now that she is all alone. We are working with several rescue groups trying to find a good match for our family. One of these furkids is Rascal from Rhode Island. He is the same color as our Daisy and seems like he might be a good match. We are also looking at a cute little fella named Keeth. Keeth is in New Jersey and it would be a bit of a haul to go get him, but we may see him if things don’t work out with Rascal. We are working with the Cairn Rescue League who has Rascal, and Cairn Rescue USA, who has Keeth. We have also put in an application with the Col. Potter Cairn Rescue Network from which we got Jake in 2001. All of the Cairn rescue organizations go out of the way to save Cairns from shelters and puppy mills, as well as from people who can’t take care of their furballs anymore. They spend countless hours of time and money saving these animals. They also do not just anyone adopt the dogs. 4 references, a vet reference, and even a home safety visit, are required before a prospective owner is even considered! They really want these babies to find forever homes and really try their best to match the right dog with the right family. Pictures of course will appear here when our new member of the family arrives!!