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Last night we went to see the fireworks display in Walpole. Walpole always has their fireworks display the night before the fourth. I am always really amazed at how spectacular they are for our small town. This year was wonderful. The night was perfect, with not a cloud in the sky. We had the perfect viewing spot thanks to our friends Karen and Ron, and it was wonderful to have Mike’s parents and sister along as well. Happy Fourth of July!

I just re-watched an E! True Hollywood Story that I had taped. It was about the amazing Ellen Degeneres.  It got me to thinking about how important it was when she came out as a lesbian on her television show in the 90’s. I was very emotional as I watched that episode. I remember that they had given subtle hints throughout earlier episodes that her character was gay. It was quite fun to watch. 

I started to think tonight how lucky I am to have lived this time in history. I thought back to when I was younger. I never thought then, that I would be out myself and to the world! It is so important for all of us to be ourselves. Many people never experience the situation where they must live a lie day to day. It tears you apart. You know that you are a good person, yet people are so ready to condemn you if they find out one thing about you. That is why it is so hard for me to understand how some Christians don’t realize the pain and suffering they cause us. It is not the sin that causes us the pain, but the people who label it as such.  Some kids have actually killed themselves because of it. My tolerance for those that do not accept us is less and less as each year of life goes on. I know that for years I carried my own internalized homophobia around. I knew I was gay, was out to people, but always went out of my way to make straight people feel comfortable!  Do straight people live that way? I think not.

I even maintained an unhealthy friendship due to my own sublimated homophobia. Her name was Debbie and she and her husband were born again Christians. Even though I told her I was gay the first week we met, somehow we became friends. I disagreed with her that homosexuality was a sin, but somehow I bought into the idea I could be friends with her while she disapproved of a major part of my personality. After years of study, and personal growth on my part, I realize how detrimental her attitude was to my well being. It all came to a head when Mike and I were able to get legally married here in Massachusetts. Debbie could not, and would not, be happy for us. I realized that “my friend” was against me. She would not support protection for my well being. She would lobby against me to have the same rights that she and her husband so richly enjoy… and take for granted. We talked hard about it. She did not believe that my relationship was the same as she had with her husband. It was acceptable to her that I would not get the same tax benefits that she would receive. I thought about the future. I thought of when Mike and I are older, and if one of us was to die, how we would not be entitled to each other’s social security. My “friend” believed that would be acceptable. What if I were sick and really needed the money? It was acceptable. Acceptable? I considered her a friend. I needed my head examined.  This is the love that her religion has to offer me? This is the kind of friendship she believed Christ has to offer? Please! I hope I go to hell. It was at this time that my true friends came by my side. My friend Danny was exceptionally supportive, and was outraged! For me to be friends with this woman was a personal affront to him. I realized that keeping Debbie as one of my friends was an insult to the people who truly love and care for me, and my relationship with Mike. True friends… nurture and encourage their friends. They also value great relationships when they see them. I had always done that for her and supported the relationship she had with her husband.  Why was I not entitled to the same?

Because of Debbie, I now know how important it is for all gay people to stand up and be counted. We must never submit to people who do not accept us as whole, healthy and complete. To do so is just slow suicide to one’s self esteem and ultimate happiness.

 I was in the closet, when I thought I was out.

Thank you Debbie. 

Thank you Ellen Degeneres.

Daisy and Rascal had a drag out fight on Friday night. It was over a pink squeaky ball. Daisy bit Rascal’s paw really hard and drew blood. It was awful. Poor Rascal. I had to take him to the vet on Saturday because he could not put any weight on it. The vet has prescibed antibiotics and pain pills. Rascal has been despondent and limping ever since. He just lies down and looks so sad. I hope this was their last confrontation and that Rascal knows that Daisy is going to be pack leader. The pink squeeky ball is in the trash. Do I need the Dog Whisperer?

We have decided to rescue another little Cairn Terrier. We miss Jake terribly, and Daisy (our other Cairn) seems depressed now that she is all alone. We are working with several rescue groups trying to find a good match for our family. One of these furkids is Rascal from Rhode Island. He is the same color as our Daisy and seems like he might be a good match. We are also looking at a cute little fella named Keeth. Keeth is in New Jersey and it would be a bit of a haul to go get him, but we may see him if things don’t work out with Rascal. We are working with the Cairn Rescue League who has Rascal, and Cairn Rescue USA, who has Keeth. We have also put in an application with the Col. Potter Cairn Rescue Network from which we got Jake in 2001. All of the Cairn rescue organizations go out of the way to save Cairns from shelters and puppy mills, as well as from people who can’t take care of their furballs anymore. They spend countless hours of time and money saving these animals. They also do not just anyone adopt the dogs. 4 references, a vet reference, and even a home safety visit, are required before a prospective owner is even considered! They really want these babies to find forever homes and really try their best to match the right dog with the right family. Pictures of course will appear here when our new member of the family arrives!!

I made a little slideshow of my dear dad. It makes me cry. I really miss him.

A dear friend of mine passed away today. Her name was Jean Bailey, although she will always be Aunt Jean to me. I became friends with her when I went to visit a school friend out in California in 1982. Jean was my friend’s real aunt, but she quickly took me under her wing as well. We became fast friends and I started staying with her summers while I started my acting career. When I finally moved to L.A. in 1984, I stayed with Aunt Jean and her daughter Beverly until I found my own apartment. Jean was always welcoming to me and one of the sweetest people I have ever known. She always had laughter in her voice, no matter what her troubles. She had endless amounts of energy and is probably the first person I have ever met who actually could talk more than myself! My heart and love go out to her children: Freddy, Beverly, and Bobby, their spouses, and Jean’s numerous grand children. A beautiful rose has left us.

 

There are a couple more photos of Jean on my Flikr account.

Gloria E. Woodward

January 31,1926 - February 9, 2006

Today, my dear Aunt Gloria passed away.  Even though she wasn’t my real aunt, she was a big part of me and my family. There has never been a holiday since I was a child that she didn’t spend with us. She and my Aunt Gen(not my real aunt either!) always remembered us, and never missed an important moment in our lives. When my brother was dying in the hospital, and my parents were by his bedside, I stayed with Gen and Gloria. When I graduated from High School, they were there. College…same thing. When I was in a play, Gloria was there. You name it! Gloria was also very supportive of my relationship with my partner, Mike, and attended our wedding in 2004.

The last few months have been hard to take. Poor Gloria’s body had been riddled with cancer. I had visited her almost every day since September, and it has been very difficult to watch her waste away. I wish I could have done more. Gloria had her peaks and valleys. She was well enough to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with us. I knew in my heart that these might be her last visits with us. Throughout her illness-I never once heard her complain. She was an amazingly strong woman and I will miss her terribly. I love you GLO.

More Pics of Gloria can be found on my Flikr account.

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A true American treasure turned 82 today. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful, caring, intelligent and loving, mother.

Dismay in December by Betty Ann Fisher

All the rubble ’round me lies, all shot to Heck before my eyes. The trigger’s bent on that big gun; he thinks I’ll buy another one. The poor stuffed dog has lost his nose, and someone stepped on the turtle’s toes.
He broke the pedal of the trike; the one I was so sure he’d like. The new rug’s all marked up with glue; those Sparkle paints were something new. The power saw and bench were nice, but they’re all fouled up from slicing ice.
The chemistry set was just delightful, but the smell, my dear, was simply frightful! The test tubes are all broken now. There’s not much left from the awful row over who was going to eat the cake that the small guy made with the Easy-Bake.
Santa’s gone for another year. I’ve had my fill of joy and cheer. In case he plans on coming back, he can take the things in his big pack to someone else’s sons and nieces, or else stay around to mend the pieces. Yes… I had an Easy-Bake oven as a child. And who says we aren’t born gay? Merry Christmas! This poem is from my mom’s book, Please Delay Departure.

Late Again by Betty Ann Fisher

Merry Christmas! This poem is from my mom’s book, Please Delay Departure.

Bah! Humbug or Maybe the Dickens with It by Betty Ann Fisher
Though Santa’s on the rooftop with his reindeer hitched to sleigh, I’m convinced his trip is non-stop and he’ll head the other way.
The stores are filled with bustle and shoppers in a rush, theirs is a test of muscle and their manners make me blush.
This year’s cards all leave me cold, show naught of Season’s meaning. Angels in modern dress are bold, some at a lamp post, leaning.
I long for cherubs garbed in white, with faces which are meek, and Wise Men of that Holy Night, not thugs with tongue in cheek.
Where’s the heartfelt spirit told? The joy of love and giving? What of the shepherd tending fold? How come these times we’re living?
It surely will be Christmas, though, wherever stars come out to light the way across the snow, of that there is no doubt.

This poem is from my mom’s book, Please Delay Departure.

One of my favorite Christmas movies is A Christmas Story. My favorite scene occurs near the end of the picture. Warning! Spoiler coming up! On Christmas day everyone has opened their presents, wrapping paper and toys are strewn everywhere and Ralphie and his parents are sitting on the sofa. His father asks him if he “got everything he wanted, ” and Ralphie says “almost,” and his dad replies “Almost huh, that’s life, well there’s always next Christmas.” Ralphie sighs and says, “yeah,” and his father asks him, “what is over there behind the desk?” And there it is, the prize present Ralphie has been pining for throughout the movie, a Red Ryder BB gun. This scene grabs me every time, because when I was a child my parents would torture me in a similar way on Christmas day. I recall one year it was a bike, another year a vcr. Perhaps Dr Spock wouldn’t approve, but I really appreciate all the effort my parents put forth throughout the years at Christmas. They made sure each holiday for my brothers’ and me was special. Thank you Mom and Dad!

For a new twist on A Christmas Story, an ad agency has created a new trailer for the movie, A Christmas Gory !

Kudos: Biz Stone

Today I cooked dinner for my mom, brother and aunt. Boy, am I tired! How my mother and mothers everywhere do this year after year is amazing. It is so much work. I feel guilty for all the times I just sat around and let my mother do everything. Not only that, I never really appreciated what an art form it really was. What I find so difficult is trying to get everything out at the same time! I really needed an extra 4 burners or 3 more microwaves. Not to mention I was exhausted from the day before… preparing stuffing, baking pies, and cutting vegetables. And after you get all this done, and everyone sits down to eat, it is over in about 30 minutes! Days of preparation, shopping, organizing, all for a 30 minute meal. It really is a little surreal. What happens next is even worse! Piles of pans, grease drippings on the floor, utensils strewn all over the counter, thermometers and food stuck all over your good china lie in wait for you to clean. There is so much stuff it all won’t fit in the dishwasher and you are forced to wash some stuff by hand. All the while you are bursting at the seams from the recent stuffing you gave yourself and either want to lie down or throw up! Just when you have cleaned up, made space in the fridge for leftovers that seem not to fit and are ready to press the button on the dishwasher you remember that you will mess the place up all over again when you bring out the leftovers and everyone makes turkey sandwiches! I tell you it is insanity! Go out next year!

Please Delay Departure by Betty Ann Fisher
I thank the Lord for every day That I am here on earth, and pray He wont decide to let me go Before I see the Autumn glow.
And after that I pray again That I can stay around for when The earth is blanketed in white And then to see each starry night.
He knows I ‘ll ask for one more thing That I’ll be here to see the Spring To greet each morning bright and new And then, of course, there’s Summer too.
When warm winds whisper in the trees And flowers are a-hum with bees I’ll want to hear the church bells chime Oh yes, I like the summer time.
I wonder if He’ll think it fair If I send up another prayr That after I have romped in clover I’ll still be here when Summer’s over.
I’d like to witness, Autumn’s show And then I really love the snow And then Spring sunlight on my cheek It’s just Eternal life I seek

Title poem from my mom’s book, Please Delay Departure.