Disneybear

I gained back 6 pounds! I have let the shock of diabetes leave me for the past week or so. I am back on watching what I eat and writing it down. 2008 has to be the year that I finally get it together. Nursing school will be so tough if I can’t fit into a patient’s room! I currently am at 260 and need to get to 185. I’ve done it 3 times before, maybe the 4th is a charm. Goodbye bread, hello salad!

Yesterday my doctor put me on a diabetes drug and a cholesterol lowering medication. I am totally exhausted today. I did not sleep well, so I am hoping that is the reason for my unbelievable tiredness. It might also be the stress of the last few days. I am dedicated to losing weigh to try and get off the meds. I have been walking every day since my diagnosis and think I lost about two pounds. Time will tell. Some of you have written me after my last post. I am really OK. I don’t like my diagnosis, but I will manage!

I haven’t written for a while as this has been a tough week for me. I recently learned that I have diabetes. I went for a yearly physical and my doctor discovered it during a routine blood test. I really am rather bummed. I know that being overweight is a risk factor, but I though I had other factors in my favor. Neither of my parents have it, nor does my brother. I have been pretty good with exercise since my early twenties. I also eat a large amount of vegetables and fruits. I don’t drink, smoke, or take drugs. My only vice is food! I am going to have to seriously watch my carbohydrate intake. It is such a pain! It is not just sugary foods and junk, but good foods that have helped me diet in the past… such as potatoes, bananas, corn, and carrots. This really stinks and I can say I am not taking it very well. I hate being 43 and having a chronic condition already. I have spent a good time of my life worrying about other people’s health and now I must worry about mine. And why food? It is one of my most pleasurable experiences. Gone are my days of food filled orgies! And I haven’t even been on a cruise yet! Seriously, I am not happy! In some respects it is a big wake up call to eat  healthfully all the time, but I really could do without having to worry about anything else in my life. I promise to be more positive in the future, but this has been a major blow to my psyche.

Today I was asked by my HMR dieting program to give a little talk! It really is quite funny since I have gained all the weight that I have lost in the program. I do think I still get something out of the classes though. It keeps me accountable and I probably would be a lot heavier if I didn’t attend the weekly meetings. I think I am more likely to eat fruits and vegetables and to exercise my body because of the program. One of the great things HMR has taught me has been to keep a record of my food and exercise. When I actually do it… I lose weight! Now, if I could only get on track and actually do it! I have been procrastinating for years!

I know I haven’t written anything about dieting lately. I have been eating too many Swiss Rolls! I am at my starting weight of 265, but I think that I look better.  I joined a gym about a month ago and have been going about 3 or 4 times a week. I am really getting into weight training. For the last several years I have only been doing aerobics. The weights seem to be changing my shape, and while I actually have gained weight over the past month, I am definitely losing inches in some places while gaining them in others.  I still struggle to eat right, but as soon as I get a handle on that I am sure that I will actually lose a few pounds. At any rate, I am feeling more fit than I have in years!

Is this the year? Do I finally lose the weight and get back in shape? I feel 80 years old! How long can I stuff my body. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror. It seems so much to even get up of the couch. I feel so stiff when I wake up in the morning. What is going to make me take care of my body? I have been suffering with apathy for too long. I just can’t seem to keep motivated. I think I will go make a frozen pizza.

I know, I haven’t written about the diet. I was doing so well, and I just haven’t been lately, so I haven’t written. My exercise has fallen by the wayside. I actually dress to go for a walk or use the treadmill, but somehow I never seem to do it! I am eating a lot less junk food and I am eating a lot of good fruits and vegetables. My portion sizes have crept back up though. My weight is currently 252. The old habits are so hard to change. I look forward to eating so much. I think it is one of my favorite things to do. I just can’t seem to stop. If one bite tastes good, 40 must taste better. I have to be better over the next few days, so I can eat at Thanksgiving!

I am really having a tough time with the diet this weekend. I keep eating off the program, but healthfully. I really dislike the HMR products. I am afraid I am going to have to go to real food soon and just use some of their products to displace calories. I find it really hard to prepare food for my mother and not eat. When I lost weight 10 years ago I could just stay out of the Kitchen. I am commited to losing weight, but I don’t think I can live like this… even for a couple of months. I have been increasing my exercise every day and keeping track of my calories. I just need to eat healthfully and watch the portion sizes. I miss my vegetables and fruits!

I made it through the first week! Woo Hoo! I had some bumps in the road this week, but I managed to lose 8lbs! I miss eating regular food, but if I can stick with this I will have quick results. I talked to the doctor and nurse and have modified my diet to be 5 shakes and 2 entrees. My total caloric intake will be around 900 calories, give or take. One thing that HMR tells you that they didn’t when I did this before is that you can have more HMR product if you are still hungry. That is really a nice notion, and will hopefully keep me in the HMR Box. Time will tell.

 Start Weight: 260 lbs

Current Weight: 252 lbs

Weight lost: 8 lbs

Today is my 3rd day on the HMR liquid diet. I am feeling almost normal today. Yesterday I had a terrible headache and felt weak. I drank more fluids and took an aspirin and I felt a little better. I really am not hungry, but miss all the fun foods there are to eat! I am definitely going to limit them when I am back on solid food. I figure that I will have to be on this diet till February of next year if I want to reach my goal weight. I seriously doubt I will make it. The last time I did this was about 2 months and that was enough! The idea of not eating solid food for Christmas, Thanksgiving, and a trip to Walt Disney World in January sounds impossible. I intend to still eat healthy and  a lot less whenever I leave the liquid diet. I am working at exercising every day from now on too. I will keep you all posted.

 Starting weight: 260

Goal Weight: 175

I am not losing weight. I don’t give you updates because I am failing, failing, failing. My body weight hovers around 260 and I can’t seem to get any better than that. Of course I eat whatever I want and hardly exercise. This is going to change next week! I have decided to return to a drastic measure that I was very successful at in the past… the medically supervised very low calorie diet. I did it in 1995 and lost a ton of weight. I am returning to the HMR weight loss class and will drink meal replacements for 3 months. It will be a struggle the first few weeks, but I will get great support from HMR and the doctor there. I know it is drastic, but it will take my choices away and losing 90 lbs will be a lot easier. I can then slowly add back in healthy foods at my new weight. I can’t chicken out this time. I will do it. I will reset my diet countdown and let you all know how it goes. Skinny Scott is making a return.

Current Weight: 257 lbs Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs Total Weight Loss So Far: 8 lbs.

Well the two weeks worked and I lost some weight! Unfortunately the following two weeks I went back to my old habits. I just can’t seem to get motivated. I also haven’t exercised in about a month! The task is so daunting and I am so not into it. I have switched diet coaches and now go on Thursaday mornings. Maybe the switch will give me a boost. Will someone please come out with a magic pill!

Well I am gonna try something drastic over the next two weeks. I am gonna just eat HMR products and fruits and vegetables! I have too many choices and I need to take a closer look at what I am eating. I will not deprive myself, but focus on better eating and exercise. I hope this jump start works because I have been sliding for so long. Time will tell!

Current Weight: 260 lbs Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs Total Weight Loss So Far: 5 lbs.

What can I say? I haven’t been keeping track and have been eating whatever I want! I really don’t have any good excuses. I just can’t seem to stick to any plan. I have not been exercising as well, which I am really starting to feel. I know what I should eat, how much, and that I should exercise, but I still do nothing. It is very frustrating. I want to be thinner, but it seems like such a chore to worry about all the time. The last time I lost a big chunk of weight(75 lbs) I was crazy about how much I ate and how much exercise I got every day. I think I am so tired about having to worry about how to keep it off all the time. As I get older, the less motivation I have. I need magic motivation!!!!

Current Weight: 262 lbs Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs Total Weight Loss So Far: 3 lbs

What Diet? I have totally slipped into my old ways! It is amazing that I haven’t gained back all the weight I have lost so far. I haven’t been exercising, eating fruits or vegetables, or cutting my portion sizes. I thought by now I would be well on my way to a healthier me. I just can’t seem to make permanent change to my habits.  This is the first time in my life that I really tried to lose and have failed. I really think what they say is true. As you get older, it gets harder to lose weight. I don’t know if it is a physiological reason, or that you just have had that many years of bad habits. Whatever the case, I have a serious problem! I really have to get into it’s a “now or never mentality”. If I don’t, I fear that I will be desitined for my first heart attack, or diabetes, or who knows what! I just wish there was a way to fill me and keep me satisfied. More is never enough, and instant gratification takes too long. Well…I am off to get a snack. Pavlov’s dog is alive and well.