Well I am back at the gym 3 times a week trying to get back in shape. I do the elliptical for 45 minutes and then head to the weight room for about a half hour and pump, pump, pump! I have my records from when I was lifting before and it is amazing how quickly my muscles return and allow me to lift more and more each week. I really would like to be in great shape for the surgery in June. I am watching what I eat, but the pounds just don’t want to leave, I hope the reason is that I have been building some muscle.

Yesterday I met with the Psychiatrist, Dr. Florina Haimovici. It was a
short meeting about 15 minutes. She wanted to know about my family
history, if I heard voices, and if I was familiar with what to expect
from gastric bypass. She asked me who was President of the United
States, to subtract 7 from 100, and tell her the months of the year
backwards. Gosh, I hope I pass! I was actually hoping for more from my
25 dollar copay, but it really is just a quick meeting to see if I was
certifiable!

I am scheduled for gastric bypass surgery for Jun 16th. I have done much research and have talked to some of the best doctors at Brigham and Women’s hospital in Boston. All of them think I would be a great candidate and said they would do it themselves if they had the health problems that I am now facing. I don’t think I would even consider this if I did not have the diabetes, but the chance to eliminate it through surgery has sealed the deal. I would like to lose 20 lbs before the surgery and I have begun exercising every day. The better shape I am in before the quicker recovery I should have. If you would like more information on the procedure itself I strongly recommend reading Gastrointestinal Surgery for Severe Obesity at the National Institutes of Health.

This has been a very soul searching week for me. Since diagnosis with diabetes last October, I have maintained a weight loss of only about 5 pounds. It is really time for me to evaluate why I can’t seem to take my health seriously and get this weight off. I feel that one of my main problems is my ability to inhale food. I just don’t give my body enough time to let me know that I have had enough. I eat a varied diet and don’t have much of a sweet tooth, but my portion sizes are huge. I am discouraged by diets and weight-loss plans and have been on many all my life. I am even considering surgical solutions. I have always thought that they are a bad choice. However, recent studies suggest that surgical solutions can send diabetes into remission in over 80 percent of cases. It has also been noted that bariatric surgery is the most effective tool for losing and keeping weight off. It is becoming obvious to me and apparently backed by most statistics that telling an obese person to just eat less and exercise more is not effective. From what I can research 90% of those who lose weight with traditional attempts regain their weight. I know from my diet classes that most of us in there are still fat! I look at all the people in my life that are fat and although some lose weight, all of them have gained it back. I know from psychology that “past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior”, and that is why we stay fat. Yes we can change, and some people do, but most of us will not and that is the reality. Almost all the gurus, and friends that mean well seem to have never been 100 lbs over their ideal weight. I have tried weight watchers, nutra-system, atkins, and have been going to HMR for over ten years and I think I have yet to meet an educator that is keeping 100lbs off permanently. It seems my doctor’s can’t seem to lose weight or have never been seriously overweight either. Obese people like myself started our problems early in life. We really should have been more worried then. If we never got this heavy the first time, I think we probably would have had a better chance. My understanding is that once we gain additional fat cells they remain with us even if we lose weight. This gives us a tendency to gain weight more easily than someone who never has been overweight to begin with. Doctors and people who have never been really overweight seem to forget this. Our bodies are different than yours. It really is different for you than us. Yes, we can lose weight just as you might have, but it is harder for us to keep it off. Our extra fat cells are hungry! I am really beginning to believe this. I know I can lose weight…and have done so many times. I just find it impossible to keep it off without making it a total obsession. I know when I lost 100 lbs 9 years ago that I was working far harder than someone who was my weight at the time who had never been seriously overweight. I don’t think telling people that diet and exercise is the only key to weight maintenance in  someone who was obese is the end of the equation. It is an important part, but I think more research must be done. I really think something is missing here. It could be the fat cells I spoke of, a metabolic deficiency, or something we haven’t found yet. There is too much focus today on losing weight when the real problem is keeping it off permanently. At this point, I am going to use the best available evidence to find a permanent weight maintenance solution.

I gained back 6 pounds! I have let the shock of diabetes leave me for the past week or so. I am back on watching what I eat and writing it down. 2008 has to be the year that I finally get it together. Nursing school will be so tough if I can’t fit into a patient’s room! I currently am at 260 and need to get to 185. I’ve done it 3 times before, maybe the 4th is a charm. Goodbye bread, hello salad!

Yesterday my doctor put me on a diabetes drug and a cholesterol lowering medication. I am totally exhausted today. I did not sleep well, so I am hoping that is the reason for my unbelievable tiredness. It might also be the stress of the last few days. I am dedicated to losing weigh to try and get off the meds. I have been walking every day since my diagnosis and think I lost about two pounds. Time will tell. Some of you have written me after my last post. I am really OK. I don’t like my diagnosis, but I will manage!

I haven’t written for a while as this has been a tough week for me. I recently learned that I have diabetes. I went for a yearly physical and my doctor discovered it during a routine blood test. I really am rather bummed. I know that being overweight is a risk factor, but I though I had other factors in my favor. Neither of my parents have it, nor does my brother. I have been pretty good with exercise since my early twenties. I also eat a large amount of vegetables and fruits. I don’t drink, smoke, or take drugs. My only vice is food! I am going to have to seriously watch my carbohydrate intake. It is such a pain! It is not just sugary foods and junk, but good foods that have helped me diet in the past… such as potatoes, bananas, corn, and carrots. This really stinks and I can say I am not taking it very well. I hate being 43 and having a chronic condition already. I have spent a good time of my life worrying about other people’s health and now I must worry about mine. And why food? It is one of my most pleasurable experiences. Gone are my days of food filled orgies! And I haven’t even been on a cruise yet! Seriously, I am not happy! In some respects it is a big wake up call to eat  healthfully all the time, but I really could do without having to worry about anything else in my life. I promise to be more positive in the future, but this has been a major blow to my psyche.

Today I was asked by my HMR dieting program to give a little talk! It really is quite funny since I have gained all the weight that I have lost in the program. I do think I still get something out of the classes though. It keeps me accountable and I probably would be a lot heavier if I didn’t attend the weekly meetings. I think I am more likely to eat fruits and vegetables and to exercise my body because of the program. One of the great things HMR has taught me has been to keep a record of my food and exercise. When I actually do it… I lose weight! Now, if I could only get on track and actually do it! I have been procrastinating for years!

I know I haven’t written anything about dieting lately. I have been eating too many Swiss Rolls! I am at my starting weight of 265, but I think that I look better.  I joined a gym about a month ago and have been going about 3 or 4 times a week. I am really getting into weight training. For the last several years I have only been doing aerobics. The weights seem to be changing my shape, and while I actually have gained weight over the past month, I am definitely losing inches in some places while gaining them in others.  I still struggle to eat right, but as soon as I get a handle on that I am sure that I will actually lose a few pounds. At any rate, I am feeling more fit than I have in years!

Is this the year? Do I finally lose the weight and get back in shape? I feel 80 years old! How long can I stuff my body. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror. It seems so much to even get up of the couch. I feel so stiff when I wake up in the morning. What is going to make me take care of my body? I have been suffering with apathy for too long. I just can’t seem to keep motivated. I think I will go make a frozen pizza.

I know, I haven’t written about the diet. I was doing so well, and I just haven’t been lately, so I haven’t written. My exercise has fallen by the wayside. I actually dress to go for a walk or use the treadmill, but somehow I never seem to do it! I am eating a lot less junk food and I am eating a lot of good fruits and vegetables. My portion sizes have crept back up though. My weight is currently 252. The old habits are so hard to change. I look forward to eating so much. I think it is one of my favorite things to do. I just can’t seem to stop. If one bite tastes good, 40 must taste better. I have to be better over the next few days, so I can eat at Thanksgiving!

I am really having a tough time with the diet this weekend. I keep eating off the program, but healthfully. I really dislike the HMR products. I am afraid I am going to have to go to real food soon and just use some of their products to displace calories. I find it really hard to prepare food for my mother and not eat. When I lost weight 10 years ago I could just stay out of the Kitchen. I am commited to losing weight, but I don’t think I can live like this… even for a couple of months. I have been increasing my exercise every day and keeping track of my calories. I just need to eat healthfully and watch the portion sizes. I miss my vegetables and fruits!

I made it through the first week! Woo Hoo! I had some bumps in the road this week, but I managed to lose 8lbs! I miss eating regular food, but if I can stick with this I will have quick results. I talked to the doctor and nurse and have modified my diet to be 5 shakes and 2 entrees. My total caloric intake will be around 900 calories, give or take. One thing that HMR tells you that they didn’t when I did this before is that you can have more HMR product if you are still hungry. That is really a nice notion, and will hopefully keep me in the HMR Box. Time will tell.

 Start Weight: 260 lbs

Current Weight: 252 lbs

Weight lost: 8 lbs

Today is my 3rd day on the HMR liquid diet. I am feeling almost normal today. Yesterday I had a terrible headache and felt weak. I drank more fluids and took an aspirin and I felt a little better. I really am not hungry, but miss all the fun foods there are to eat! I am definitely going to limit them when I am back on solid food. I figure that I will have to be on this diet till February of next year if I want to reach my goal weight. I seriously doubt I will make it. The last time I did this was about 2 months and that was enough! The idea of not eating solid food for Christmas, Thanksgiving, and a trip to Walt Disney World in January sounds impossible. I intend to still eat healthy and  a lot less whenever I leave the liquid diet. I am working at exercising every day from now on too. I will keep you all posted.

 Starting weight: 260

Goal Weight: 175

I am not losing weight. I don’t give you updates because I am failing, failing, failing. My body weight hovers around 260 and I can’t seem to get any better than that. Of course I eat whatever I want and hardly exercise. This is going to change next week! I have decided to return to a drastic measure that I was very successful at in the past… the medically supervised very low calorie diet. I did it in 1995 and lost a ton of weight. I am returning to the HMR weight loss class and will drink meal replacements for 3 months. It will be a struggle the first few weeks, but I will get great support from HMR and the doctor there. I know it is drastic, but it will take my choices away and losing 90 lbs will be a lot easier. I can then slowly add back in healthy foods at my new weight. I can’t chicken out this time. I will do it. I will reset my diet countdown and let you all know how it goes. Skinny Scott is making a return.